You are very happy to wait for this baby. Yet there is this heartache when you think about your eldest reaction. How is he going to take things?
Your small child has adapted well to important family changes: your separation from your father, then the arrival in your life of your new companion. You fear that this balance will be broken by the arrival of a new child.
Who disturbs it?
- You. You feel guilty that you have separated your child and are afraid of hurting him further with the arrival of this baby.
He's going to have a half-brother? He gives up his dream
Your child secretly had the dream of seeing both parents meet and life resume an idealized course. This pregnancy comes to put an end to this fantasy. He may wonder if he will still have a place in your life.
- What has to be done. Listen to him and let him express his legitimate distress. Answer all of his questions and try to defuse his fears as they arise. Reaffirm that he is forever in a special place in the family. But this pregnancy is also a sign of new life. Show him the positive aspects of this baby's arrival.
- What to tell him. "It's not because of the baby that your dad and I do not live together anymore", "To have a brother or a sister is to share a lot of things."
He's going to have a half-brother? Give him time
Choose the right moment to talk to him in peace ... and do not hesitate to talk about it again. Your child needs time and rehearsal to incorporate this upheaval.
- What has to be done. It's up to you to choose the moment when you feel ready to announce it ... but without waiting too much, ideally as soon as the pregnancy is well settled, around 3 months. Afterwards, your child will live the day-to-day changes that this pregnancy brings. Emotions, organization, preparation of the room: all events that concretize the change to come. Like any elder, he will prepare, not to say resolve, the arrival of the baby.
- What to tell him. "What if we prepare the baby's room together?"