Your child 5-11 years

Authority: try positive discipline


Duties that turn to pugilism, lack of participation in household chores, scheduling problems ... Positive discipline can help you defuse potentially conflictual situations with your child. The advice of Béatrice Sabaté, psychologist and specialist of this educational approach.

Homework always turns to fist

  • When you start to do your homework, your child looks for any pretext to escape. And when he finally decides, he is absolutely not focused. What make you want to shake it!

How to calm the game?

  • A positive discipline approach that can be useful in this context: to find the need of your child behind his opposition behavior which is only the tip of the iceberg. Refusing to get to work is perhaps a call he makes for you: he needs more attention from you. Or perhaps he is completely discouraged and considers himself a nobody: what's the use of it because I'm going to fail? Or, he may be in pain because of something that happened at school or at home, which makes it impossible for him to get into learning.

Why is it the right solution?

  • Once you have identified the true need of your child, you can easily imagine appropriate solutions. This will save you from being next to the plate! If he is discouraged, offer him for example to do his homework step by step, set him intermediate objectives: the task will seem less insurmountable. If he seems to be suffering, acknowledge his emotion and encourage him to do good. "You do not look fit, what would you get better before starting homework: a glass of water, a little game?"

At home, it does not help spontaneously

  • No need to rely on him to set the table, empty the dishwasher or put his dirty laundry basket on his own initiative. You get its participation only at the price of incessant and exhausting claims!

How to calm the game?

  • As for housework, we can meet between parents and child (ren) and ask the question: what is needed for this house to run, so that it works well for everyone? Everyone will advance what is important to him. For you, that the laundry does not stay in a ball in the bathroom. For your child, let his hamster be fed. Then, from this list, everyone will undertake to assume certain tasks in particular, including at least one of the least pleasant. After a few days, your child begins to pray again? Do not give him the choice to do or not, give him more freedom about how. "Do you think you'd be better able to hold your commitment if instead of doing it in the week, you did it on weekends?"

Why is it the right solution?

  • By doing so, you join a virtuous circle. According to positive discipline, the more a child feels part of his family, the more motivated he is to contribute to the collective well-being. By asking his opinion, by involving him in the organization of the house, you show him that he is a full member of the family, that he occupies a place of his own ... and you reinforce his desire to get involved.

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